Single Life Lessons

I wrote a very similar article about being single a few months ago. The more time goes on the more my opinion on the subject evolves. This article has a slightly different view point on it and highlights the lessons I have learned while I navigate through life as a party of one.

Being single is something that does not entirely leave one's mind.  Thanks to social media we are bombarded with photos of couples, engagement announcements, wedding photo albums, baby announcements. You may be feeling the demands to get married from family members or friends.  It is natural to feel concerned with the fact that you are not on the same step that it seems everyone is on.

Let me tell you, when it comes to this, I feel like I am at the bottom step that was set by society.  I also feel like my view is just as great. It took me a long time to say that. I have been single a lot in my life but I haven’t always had peace with it. I would rather be alone than be with someone to merely fill a void. I have found comfort in solitude. Of course I feel lonely sometimes and I frequently feel the pressure to find that special someone. Many experiences are heightened when you have someone to share it with. As I reflect on this growing time in my life, I have learned a few things that can be applied regardless of your relationship status.

1. "The grass is not greener on the other side; it is greenest where you water it." When we see that happy couple online, often times it is through a carnival mirror. Your view is distorted and the happiness is merely an illusion. Just because you see pictures of smiling faces does not mean they are happy.

2. Do not waste your youth! I am approaching my 26^th birthday. I am not partying like it’s 1999 anymore but that does not mean I am “old.” I hear people in their 20’s talking about how old they are. Why are we rushing this?  I am young and thriving. Do I want to waste my youth, energy, and time dwelling on the fact that I am “alone”? Absolutely not!  The time to live is now. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow so I am going to make the most of today.

3. Do what you love even if it means doing it alone.  You may not have someone that shares certain interests as you but don't let it deter you. You will meet new people and fill your life with valuable experiences. I love live music however I don’t have many friends with the same enthusiasm I have for it. This means sometimes I have to go to a show alone. I would be foolish to miss a band merely because I don’t have anyone to go with. I also love to travel however; I don’t have many travel companions. I travel in non-conventional ways leaving me to sleep on floors, volunteer in exchange for stay, hostels, etc. I enjoy the feeling of being out of my comfort zone. This isn’t for everyone. Would I like to find that adventurous counterpart who also has a wanderlust soul to enjoy the journey? Yes! Am I going to let it stop me because I have not found that person yet? No! My spirit stays alive through travel and traveling alone has helped shape who I am today. It has given me confidence and through travel I find myself more and more. 

4. Do not settle! I have been told I am too picky. I do agree I have a confident idea of the person I will end up with. However, it is the rest of my life and my happiness, I should be picky! I see too many wonderful people settling because they are comfortable or don’t want to be alone. If you are unhappy now how do you expect to be happy in 50 years?

5. Be you! I lost myself in relationships or while dating trying to fit the mold of what I thought they wanted me to be. When the relationship ended I had no idea who I was.  I relied on them for my identity. Create yourself and own it.  Of course change can be good and you may change through another person or find new interests, but make sure your core remains intact.

6. You might scare people off and that is ok. I have been told that I am “intimidating.” That connotation can be seen as a negative characteristic. I have also been told to tone that down a little because my ambitions and accomplishments can diminish a guy’s confidence. If I listened to this advice, I would be living a lie. The right person will be inspired by ambition rather than scared away.  I want someone to push me as much as I push them. The ones who don't know how to manage that, aren't worth your time anyways. 

7. Perception is everything! This holds true with anything in life. You can look at being single as a bad thing. You can harp on how lonely you are, that something is wrong with you, that you'll never find true love, or you can look at it is a good thing! You can realize that you have the ability to make yourself happy. There is no void. You fill it on your own and the day you cross paths with your soulmate, you will be ready to share your entire self with them.

8. Stop comparing your place in life with the person next to you. This is not a race but a journey; make sure to make yours grand!