Try, Fail, and Then Try Again

One year ago today I took a life risk. I moved to Colorado with a guy I was dating, no plan, no job lined up, no apartment, just staying at a friend’s place temporarily. Off I went to spread my wings and fly. Quickly my wings were clipped, life happened and I needed to come home. I won’t go into the details of my personal life or the details of what drove me home. However, I will say that after making my big move, driving cross country, just to return a little over a month later left me feeling like a failure. I kept faith knowing deep down that this was the right decision for me. I knew that the universe was saying “Ally I know you needed to find this out on your own but the timing is not right. Come home.” If I had stayed I would have just been trying to prove to others that I could do this despite it being wrong for me. 

In this day and age people thrive on others failures. I believe this is due to either insecurity in ourselves or just plain ole ignorance. Upon coming back home I was asked numerous times what happened.  When I simply said “life happened” that wasn’t enough, they wanted me to feed them with more. I got inundated  with jokes about how quickly I returned. People I barely knew were commenting to me about it.  Upon arrival, my boyfriend and I broke up, I had no job, barely any money, moved back home with my parents, and no clue what to do next. I felt defeated.

Like anything, life must go on. I couldn’t sit back and feel sorry for myself.  I realized that the courage alone to venture out was success in itself. I took a risk and although it blew up in my face, I did not let that fear stop me.  I brushed myself off and changed my attitude. I stopped letting the comments eat away at me. Just like that, a change in perspective and things were moving forward. People will hate on you no matter what you do in life. There will always be someone there telling you no, someone trying to knock you down. All the more reason to carry on with what works for you, what makes you happy. Where it can be helpful to get advice from others, at the end of the day you should go to bed at night knowing that the decisions you made held true to your morals, values, and what is best for you.

To this day I would not change my decision to go out to Colorado. I needed to know that it wasn’t the right step in life. In 30 years I won’t be wondering what if. I will have no regret. If I ever have a child, I will tell them to make mistakes and fail. It is those very failures that builds our character and leads us to better things. 

Fast forward one year later. I may not have all of the answers. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I am well on my way. I am where I am for a reason. I am working in a marketing department, my photography career is taking off, I am sharing my passion of gymnastics with young kids. The most important thing I can say is I am truly happy. No big life change, I am still figuring it all out, but I made up my mind to be happy and that’s how I shall live.

Chasing Stars

Have you ever been confused or overwhelmed because you want so many different things in life? Each day I feel more sure and unsure at the same time. My mind often races late at night with all of the things I want to do and how I will get there. I may not have all the answers I want right now but I know a few things.

• I want to change the world for the better, leave my mark. 
• I want to live by the sea. Wake up to the smell of ocean air. 
• I want to photograph people, places, things. 
• I want to see every corner of the world, taste the culture of another land, submerge myself in the unfamiliar. 
• I want to learn to play the ukulele and strum by a fire surrounded by friends. 
• I want to read as many books as I can and sip on exotic teas. 
• I want to drive across the country and learn about all walks of life. Hear their stories, their triumphs, their passion. 
• I want to learn to surf and ride across all of the oceans. 
• I want to have my own dark room and get lost in making prints. 
• I want to write poetry. Release my thoughts through paper and a pen.  
• I want to make art and create things with my two hands. 
• I want to skate on a longboard, hula hoop, and paddle-board with the warmth of the sun on my back. 
• I want to snowboard in my bathing suit, go to the biggest tomato fight in the world, crowd surf off a stage, swim with dolphins. 
• I want to dance to music, new and old. Feel the sounds come alive. 
• I want to master meditation, connect to my soul in silence. 
• I want to walk across mountains, watch the sunrise and set, swim in crystal clear water. 
• I want to own a dog, love it, take it for walks, snuggle it on a rainy day. 
• I want to fall in love. "The can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series, kind of stuff."  I want to find someone to see the world with. 
• I want to help children. I want to make them feel invincible and confident. Help them escape from any doubts or pain. 
• I want to make a difference in someone's life. 
• I want to let go of fear, let go of insecurities, let go of regret. 
• I want to spend my time with the doers, the go getters, the people who will lift me higher. 
• I want to spread peace and positivity. 
• I want to change the way we see things. Add light to the world. 
• I want to make every moment count.

We're all going to die. That is inevitable. But I don't think we all live.

• I want to leave this earth feeling fulfilled. 

Find Your Inner Child

I recently started a new job as a gymnastics coach. I am mostly with younger kids coaching classes as young as 18 months to 7 years old. I have always enjoyed the presence of a child, their energy, their creativity, their silliness. Spending so much time with kids has made me think about how much we have to learn from them. Here are a few reasons why I feel we should reconnect with our inner child.

• They are completely free. They don't care about what others think. If they were allowed they would wear zebra pants, with a tutu, and a cowgirl hat. They act how they want, say what they want, and aren't concerned with how others will view them.

• They dance as if no one is watching. When I see children at a show, I admire their courage to throw their body to the music which ever way they please. They don't care if they are the only ones dancing. They are up front having a great time connecting to the music, jumping, clapping, flailing their arms and legs, stomping, swinging, whatever they feel, they do. 

• They love and believe in themselves.  Watch the way a child carries themselves. They are confident individuals. In my class I constantly hear kids complimenting themselves. I hear them proclaim,"I can do it", "Look at me!" I have little girls in my class tell me how pretty they look. Kids don't focus on insecurities or weaknesses. They think highly about themselves and believe they can do anything. 

• They are creative.  Listen to a child tell a story. It can be quite amazing what they come up with. They are a little ball of exploding creativity. As we grow older our creativity is forced to be suppressed. When I was in college I took a visual merchandising class. In the class she had us color a picture. Then she had us color the picture again, this time how we wanted to, not the way we felt it was supposed look. A purple sky, an orange ocean, colors were all over the place. It was refreshing to have creativity encouraged rather than suppressed. I never shut down a child's imagination. In class we do a straddle stretch. To get them to stay in their stretch we pretend we are making something such as pizza. We go around the circle saying what we are putting on our pizza. The options for a child are limitless, yogurt, Oreos, pink chocolate chips, pudding, moon cheese. I embrace their out of the box answers and hope they hold on to it forever.

• They do not judge. They do not judge people by their race, or their size, religion, hair color, or anything else. They are accepting and live an unbiased life. 

• They aren't afraid to love. Children are naturally very loving individuals. They say  I love you when they want to, they give hugs, they love without fear, and love unconditionally.

• They are forgiving. Yes their reasons for getting upset with someone are minor compared to what we may face as adults. But they are forgiving individuals. They don't hold grudges and move past things much easier than we do as we grow up. (Forgiving also includes forgiving themselves. They don't dwell on a mistake they've made. They move on.)

• They live in the moment. They aren't worried about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. They are in the present moment only. 

• They are fearless. They aren't afraid to try new things. They explore and take risks. They don't think about the what if's or the consequences. They are bold and courageous.

• They laugh a lot and are truly happy. There's nothing more genuine than the happiness of child. They smile and embrace life. They find beauty and amazement in the simplest things. 

It Is Ok To Be Single

Between graduating college, jobs, love, trying to find ourself, relocating, your 20's are a roller coaster. As we creep into our mid-late 20's expectations arise to get married and settle down. Suddenly everyone is getting engaged. Magazines are filled with articles about attracting the right guy or girl. Family and friends ask us if we are dating anyone and if we aren't, they ask us why not? Pressure may start to sink in. Whether you are in a relationship or not, this article is here to bring a different light to the subject.

Now a days I witness people settling into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, people who are afraid to be alone.  I see people staying in a relationship because they are comfortable, feel they have too much time already invested, or feel they wont find love again.  I see people sacrificing themselves in attempt to keep someone around. I'm not advocating throwing in the towel when the road gets rough. But, there is a difference between a rough patch and an unhealthy relationship.

If you are dating someone and you are not happy, dissect your relationship and figure out is this a bump in the road or am I just settling? Am I unhappy more than I am happy? Do I deserve more?  You shouldn't have to sacrifice your values, friends, family, dignity, or your dreams. You should be trusted and respected. Maybe it is worth the fight but do not let love blind you of what you deserve. It is quite possibly the hardest decision to make in life, whether to keep fighting or to move on. It is painful and scary but sometimes it is what's best in the long run. When you are settling with the wrong person you are missing out on the right one. It may take more time to find them but isn't it worth the wait?

Never settle. Everyone deserves someone that will make their soul fly, someone that wants to be with you, all of you.  If you have to chase someone or trick someone into being with you, run the other way. There was a quote I once heard that stuck with me from Mary Schmich's famous essay Wear Sunscreen. "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." 

Never forget to be your own person. During my first “real” relationship I forgot about my independence and became afraid of being alone. When this relationship ended I didn't know what to do with myself. I had lost who I was. I felt as if my world had crumbled. Looking back, this was the best thing that could have happened to me. I realized that I needed to learn how to create my OWN happiness. I absorbed my time in self discovery. I explored, I met new people, I became more secure with who I am. I figured out that I was in control of my destiny and my happiness. I experienced things I never would have had I been in a relationship. 

The time that I have spent alone is the time I have thrived the most. I find this a very valuable part of life. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, solitude is essential in life to continue self-growth.

To my fellow single readers, don’t let finding love be your sole quest in life. Figure out who you are first. I have learned that we must first be able to create our own happiness before we can truly be happy with another. Do the things you love and the rest will fall in place. Remember, it is ok to be single. Sure, there’s going to be lonely times, but it’s better to be on your own than stuck with the wrong person. 

I feel the pressure to be in a relationship from family and the media. The expectations to settle down sometimes lingers over my head. If you feel the same pressure, ignore the social standards that says you need to be in a relationship right now. Embrace your independence.  Sometimes I feel like I am going against the wind but it's ok, marriage is not the next step for me in life. If love finds me during my adventures then great but for now I can be defined on my own.  I can stand on my own two feet and so can you.

Beware of the iPhone Zombie

Technology now a days is an amazing thing. We have more knowledge than we know what to do with accessible with just a couple clicks. We can stay in touch with distant relatives or friends. We can share thoughts, ideas, and stories.

I find all of this great however as we advance in technology I feel a large lack in personal connections. As we hang out with our friends most of us are on our phones, playing games, texting, scrolling through Instagram, checking our email, or on Facebook posting about how much fun we are having. The problem is we aren't fully in that moment. We have too many distractions now a days between texting and social media sites that our personal relationships are suffering.  I fear that our younger generation will lack some personal skills because of the many other options we have for communication.

Our relationship with ourself is also suffering. Studies show an increase in depression because of social media. We compare our life with what others are posting, compare looks, or are picking up on the overall negative environment. We live in a society where what we eat is snapped or posted on a daily basis. Our personal issues are aired for our 500 closest friends to see. Our intimate relationships suffer because instead of telling our significant other exciting news or calling family we rush to social sites to share it.

Then there is an aspect of Snapchatting, Tinder, and other related sites. Call me old fashioned but I am not a fan of this Tinder, I have to match with you and you match with me stuff. (I'm not even fully sure if that is how the app works.) I also think having conversations via selfie snaps is quite lame.  I miss the times when we weren't surrounded by Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder, when we had to get to know someone by spending time with them not stalking their Facebook page. What about the good days when we couldn't text but had to call our crush terrified that their parent would answer?

Speaking of texting, it can be convenient for a quick message but when we use it to have conversations I feel that we are missing something very important in our personal relationships. Why not call to see how someones day was or wait till you see them next to ask what they've been up to? I don't know about you but I am tired of texting. It can turn into a constant all day thing. When I step back from texting or using my phone, people have asked me "are you ok, you haven't texted in a while." Sometimes they think I am mad at them for not texting them daily or answering back right away. When did we start this sudden need to be in constant contact? I love my friends and family and enjoy staying connected but I also value my own time and want to become more in tuned with the present moment.

Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of using my phone too much. I enjoy sharing photos on the web and hearing about what my family and friends are up to. I like staying in touch with friends that are across the world. That being said my goal is to step back and connect with the real world.  Think about all the time you would have if you spent less time staring at a screen?

Since I am ironically posting this on the web you are likely reading this from Facebook or on your phone. I challenge you to reconnect with the world.  Put the phone down and enjoy the moment you are in with the people around you.

Be Kind

I recently saw a photo that perfectly sums up something I have been thinking about a lot lately. The photo said. "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always."

During our day to day routine we encounter a lot of people. People we know nothing about. They could be fighting a disease, a divorce, financial issues, abuse, or recently lost a loved one. The more I get to know people at places such as yoga class or the gym, the more I learn about the tribulations they are facing. I am amazed to find out what some people are going through.  

Here are couple quick examples of people fighting a battle of their own.

There is a guy that I say hi to at the gym. I would see him everyday. He's a very friendly guy that never leaves his smile at home. All of a sudden I hadn't seen him in a while. When he returned back I joked with him and said "where have you been slacker"? We laughed and he joked back with me. Later that day I found out that he has stomach cancer. I since have talked to him about it. His spirit and positivity is remarkable! 

Last summer I saw a middle aged man at the bar heavily intoxicated, by himself.  Quick judgement may say he’s a drunk. But after talking to him I found out he had just lost his young daughter. (His friend was on his way to get him home safely.) Im not condoning drinking to solve your problems but I was understanding of the reason for his actions. 

These are people you may meet during the whirlwind of your day. These are strangers that could use kindness in their life. They are just a couple stories about people faced with difficult obstacles. Unfortunately we all know great people suffering from great adversity. 

The more people I meet in life and the more experience I gain, the more I understand the importance of offering kindness to all. You never know how much a kind act can change someone's day or even outlook on life. Something as little as a smile or compliment can go a long way. 

Remember, we do not know what battles people are fighting. We should be kind and understanding to one another even if they are rude to us first. Often times they are the ones that need it most.

What Do You Do?

As an unemployed individual, this is one of the hardest questions to be asked.  It seems to come up a lot. What do you do? I awkwardly fumble through my words rambling about my past job and how now I am doing freelance photography. Usually my response doesn't seem sufficient enough. That could be my own insecurities talking. But as I look back at the person who asked me this question, a new acquaintance, an old classmate, a family friend, or an old coworker I feel unfulfilled. I feel as though my answer about photography, how I am in between jobs right now, and how I am still "finding myself" doesn't seem like enough. I often get a sad look in return and a comment such as "Oh don't worry, you'll figure it out."  I know I shouldn't fret over what others think about me. I know what I have accomplished, I know I have free spirited habits, and I know that I fill my days with things that make me thrive.

What I want to know is why we hold such an importance on what we do for a living? It is a big part of our life and the means for our livelihood but why let that be our value?  Some judgmental comments have left me feeling of lesser value because I am out of work right now.  I've reminded myself that this does not define who I am.  I am surviving self sufficiently on money I previously earned, I'm not living off the system, I am working towards a better me, and I am figuring out my own path.

One day I walked into an Indian store in Providence, RI. The owner was an older gentlemen. We engaged in conversation and he asked me a question. He didn't ask me what I do for work. He asked me "What are you passionate about?" I was intrigued by this question. It wasn't related to what I do for work now it was related to what makes me happy. I thought about my response and we conversed for a while about my passions in life. He then said to me, well then find a way to do that. Fill your time with those things. He even told me to come back once I was fulfilling those dreams. He wanted to hear all about it. He wasn't interested in what I am doing for work now or if I was unemployed. He was engaged by the passion that fills me. After leaving his store I was feeling inspired. I didn't feel depleted from our conversation. I wasn't worried that I wasn't doing what I felt I should be doing in life.  I left the conversation ready to take on the world.

This encounter reminded me of a quote I once read by Howard Thurman, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

So if you are working what seems like a dead end job, if you are unemployed, if you are unhappy with your profession, don't let the judgment of others be a thought on your mind.  Don't let it define your value.

Ask yourself, what is your passion, what makes you come alive? Then go do that!

The Start of a New Journey

My younger cousin recently started a blog related to her life as a Freshmen in college.  It has inspired me to join the blogging world.  The reason I started this blog was to talk my way through some confusion I have been feeling in life lately. I hope to find a few people out there that can relate to what I am going through. If you are reading this, awesome, and thank you! At the very least it will be a place for to me to sort through my own thoughts and maybe (hopefully) figure a few things out.

Where to begin? Well in a nut shell, I am 24, went to college for marketing, have always strived to succeed, got a job right out of school using my degree, decided this wasn't my path, quit, traveled, moved to Colorado, came back home, broke up with my boyfriend, and now here I am. Phew! Single, back home, and jobless.  This is where the confusion comes in and what we call a quarter life crisis.

I have always felt a need to please others. I was a go-getter in school and tried to make my family proud. I was the girl overly involved in every club, class president, an A student, basically the over achiever.  I went through the motions in life, stayed on the right track, and mostly did what I was told. Now I am at a crossroad in life, stuck between going down the path I envision for myself or turning around and doing what others see for my future.

I am a wandering soul, nothing ignites my passion like travel. Nothing excites me like emerging myself in a new land, with new people, new food, and new experiences. There is just so much to see in this world. My mentality is why not try to see it all. Many do not see eye to eye with this theory.  I am told to grow up, get a job, use my degree, settle down.  That's what you are suppose to do after college, right? Get a "real job", get married, and have kids. But what if that isn't the path for me? My heart says otherwise. I want to explore, travel, help people, experience new things. Call me crazy but I think I can change the world. Maybe I can't change the whole world but I can change enough to make an impact, enough to leave my footprint on earth.

So here you go! This is the introduction of my blog designed to help figure out my 20's and all the questions, excitement, judgement, heartache, risks, and wonderful opportunities it has to offer. Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.