Today's Lesson: Never Take Life For Granted

Yesterday was a difficult morning. It was the day of a memorial service for a friend and I wasn't going to be there. I kept thinking about his family laying him to rest and the amount of great people there in mourning. I may not know many of these people personally however, I am a feeler and when  someone with a good soul is in pain, I am in pain. Living far away from each other, my friend and I mostly communicated through Skype, Facebook message, and text. Despite having minimal face to face interaction, he left a significant impact in my life. He had an incredibly genuine spirit,  his musical talents soared, he had a thirst for adventure, his humor was sure to brighten anyone's day, and he had a strong love for life and all of those who surrounded him. The world lost a great one and it isn't fair.

While these thoughts flooded my mind yesterday morning, I decided to clean my desk. During my cleaning I came across an old journal. As I opened it up to see the first page, I could not fight back tears but I also felt comfort from Jake. I know I found this journal in this very moment for a reason. I would like to open up and share with you the first entry.

6/5/13 - Today's Lesson: Never Take Life For Granted

I found out today that a friend of mine at age 20 was diagnosed with aggressive Leukemia and suffered a massive stroke. Currently he can't talk and is in critical condition. He is a free spirit and talented musician. I am stunned and saddened to hear this news. It leaves me to think that tomorrow is never guaranteed. That is why in this present moment you must take advantage of every opportunity you have. Live life to the fullest and be appreciative for everything. 

I write this entry on Skinner Mountain while looking out at the CT river, a butterfly lingers around me, and two hawks are proudly soaring by.  It is a beautiful yet somber moment. 

During the darkest of times I must remember that I am alive, I am healthy, I am grateful.  I will not take this precious gift we call life for granted. 

I pray for you Jake with all of my heart. 

This entry was the reminder I needed to appreciate life. I know as I work through the sadness, this is how Jake lived and it is how he would want us to live. He may have only walked this earth for 22 years but he lived and loved fully.

It is unfortunate that it takes tragedies to put things in perspective. For those of you reading this, I hope it resonates with you and doesn't take a tragedy to help you realize the important things in life. People are important, relationships, family, little life moments, the every day stuff, a droplet on a flower, the smell of the ocean air, the warmth of a cup of tea. I know this all sounds cliche but it is the truth and as a whole we need to start living this way.

We live in a society that always wants more. Where it is a good to strive for more, don't let that stop you from appreciating what you have. We will never have enough if we solely focus on what is missing. Right now in this present moment you have enough and you are enough. Don't let the little blunders of the day make up your life. We look for external sources for happiness but it's inside of you hiding. We have the power to find that happiness and create the life we want to have. The decisions we make right now, is our story. If you don't like your story, it is not too late for a plot change but one day it will be. Don't wait for that moment of regret. Life is scary but we often create worries in our own mind. Don't let the fear of failure or rejection stop you from living and loving. Most importantly, do not take your tomorrow's for granted, for no matter who you are, it is not guaranteed.

Jake I wish I could witness you live out your biggest dreams. I aspire to inspire as many people as you have. Rest easy JG. Thanks for sending lessons down from heaven. BEYAAAAHHHH!

Lifting My Life One Rep at a Time

In January of 2014 I was introduced into the “lifting” world. Thanks to a friend’s mom I quickly became hooked and her expectations of me being there every day kept me going to the gym consistently for the first time ever. I never lifted weights before nor did I think I could because of several extensive wrist surgeries. She showed me ways to work around my problem and let me use her wrist guards which thankfully took away most of the pain. Soon enough I was emerged into a new lifestyle and due to getting a new job, I was starting to go diligently 5-6 times a week on my own.

I am writing about this because there’s a misconception with the gym rats of the world, especially those who lift weights. I know this because I too fell to this judgment. When you see someone with a strong physique, what do you see? You see their muscles. You might assume they are self-absorbed, conceited or only care about looks, perhaps even question their intelligence. You may think “it must be nice to have a body like that or it must be nice to have hours to go to the gym.” I have thought some of this in the past and it may hold true for some people but certainly not all.

Now I see determination. I see someone mentally strong.  I see sacrifice and perseverance.

My life has been transformed in the last year and a half. My anxiety levels were at an ultimate high before I started going to the gym. I was in a rough spot in life and I felt like I lost control. In the past I handled similar stresses in a toxic way. This time I decided to go down a different path. It was not driven by a goal weight or any appearance standards. It was a way for me to positively handle the dark times of life.The gym is a place I do not overthink or stress. I have to push myself both physically and mentally. I hadn’t pushed myself at this level since my gymnastics days. I have the power to channel negative thoughts into a hard workout. I adopted more discipline in my life. I'm not going out as much anymore and I am more conscious of healthy eating. Most importantly my anxiety decreased tremendously!

I admit, it is not easy to start this lifestyle and it comes with sacrifice. My wrist issues develop added obstacles to my gym life. I must endure some wrist pain and know when it is time to push harder and when it is time to hold back. It took me some time to love this lifestyle but I am incredibly grateful to have found it and to have discovered a positive outlet to handle anxiety.  I am mentally stronger and I know that the gym is one of the greatest factors for this growth. I am not suggesting that because I am a gym junkie I am better than others but merely sharing my journey to give a different lens on this world. 

Now being a part of the "fit life", I know that there is nothing more irritating than someone who tries to diminish the hard work you commit to. Next time you see someone who is "fit", regardless of their form of exercise, do not mock them, assume their life is easy, or make judgments. Most importantly remember they might be fighting their demons right now. Their gym time might be their way of escaping reality for a few hours a day.  They could be in a dark place or in pain and are handling it through their devotion to the gym. 

Maybe the world of fitness saved their life. It helped save mine.

Single Life Lessons

I wrote a very similar article about being single a few months ago. The more time goes on the more my opinion on the subject evolves. This article has a slightly different view point on it and highlights the lessons I have learned while I navigate through life as a party of one.

Being single is something that does not entirely leave one's mind.  Thanks to social media we are bombarded with photos of couples, engagement announcements, wedding photo albums, baby announcements. You may be feeling the demands to get married from family members or friends.  It is natural to feel concerned with the fact that you are not on the same step that it seems everyone is on.

Let me tell you, when it comes to this, I feel like I am at the bottom step that was set by society.  I also feel like my view is just as great. It took me a long time to say that. I have been single a lot in my life but I haven’t always had peace with it. I would rather be alone than be with someone to merely fill a void. I have found comfort in solitude. Of course I feel lonely sometimes and I frequently feel the pressure to find that special someone. Many experiences are heightened when you have someone to share it with. As I reflect on this growing time in my life, I have learned a few things that can be applied regardless of your relationship status.

1. "The grass is not greener on the other side; it is greenest where you water it." When we see that happy couple online, often times it is through a carnival mirror. Your view is distorted and the happiness is merely an illusion. Just because you see pictures of smiling faces does not mean they are happy.

2. Do not waste your youth! I am approaching my 26^th birthday. I am not partying like it’s 1999 anymore but that does not mean I am “old.” I hear people in their 20’s talking about how old they are. Why are we rushing this?  I am young and thriving. Do I want to waste my youth, energy, and time dwelling on the fact that I am “alone”? Absolutely not!  The time to live is now. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow so I am going to make the most of today.

3. Do what you love even if it means doing it alone.  You may not have someone that shares certain interests as you but don't let it deter you. You will meet new people and fill your life with valuable experiences. I love live music however I don’t have many friends with the same enthusiasm I have for it. This means sometimes I have to go to a show alone. I would be foolish to miss a band merely because I don’t have anyone to go with. I also love to travel however; I don’t have many travel companions. I travel in non-conventional ways leaving me to sleep on floors, volunteer in exchange for stay, hostels, etc. I enjoy the feeling of being out of my comfort zone. This isn’t for everyone. Would I like to find that adventurous counterpart who also has a wanderlust soul to enjoy the journey? Yes! Am I going to let it stop me because I have not found that person yet? No! My spirit stays alive through travel and traveling alone has helped shape who I am today. It has given me confidence and through travel I find myself more and more. 

4. Do not settle! I have been told I am too picky. I do agree I have a confident idea of the person I will end up with. However, it is the rest of my life and my happiness, I should be picky! I see too many wonderful people settling because they are comfortable or don’t want to be alone. If you are unhappy now how do you expect to be happy in 50 years?

5. Be you! I lost myself in relationships or while dating trying to fit the mold of what I thought they wanted me to be. When the relationship ended I had no idea who I was.  I relied on them for my identity. Create yourself and own it.  Of course change can be good and you may change through another person or find new interests, but make sure your core remains intact.

6. You might scare people off and that is ok. I have been told that I am “intimidating.” That connotation can be seen as a negative characteristic. I have also been told to tone that down a little because my ambitions and accomplishments can diminish a guy’s confidence. If I listened to this advice, I would be living a lie. The right person will be inspired by ambition rather than scared away.  I want someone to push me as much as I push them. The ones who don't know how to manage that, aren't worth your time anyways. 

7. Perception is everything! This holds true with anything in life. You can look at being single as a bad thing. You can harp on how lonely you are, that something is wrong with you, that you'll never find true love, or you can look at it is a good thing! You can realize that you have the ability to make yourself happy. There is no void. You fill it on your own and the day you cross paths with your soulmate, you will be ready to share your entire self with them.

8. Stop comparing your place in life with the person next to you. This is not a race but a journey; make sure to make yours grand!

Try, Fail, and Then Try Again

One year ago today I took a life risk. I moved to Colorado with a guy I was dating, no plan, no job lined up, no apartment, just staying at a friend’s place temporarily. Off I went to spread my wings and fly. Quickly my wings were clipped, life happened and I needed to come home. I won’t go into the details of my personal life or the details of what drove me home. However, I will say that after making my big move, driving cross country, just to return a little over a month later left me feeling like a failure. I kept faith knowing deep down that this was the right decision for me. I knew that the universe was saying “Ally I know you needed to find this out on your own but the timing is not right. Come home.” If I had stayed I would have just been trying to prove to others that I could do this despite it being wrong for me. 

In this day and age people thrive on others failures. I believe this is due to either insecurity in ourselves or just plain ole ignorance. Upon coming back home I was asked numerous times what happened.  When I simply said “life happened” that wasn’t enough, they wanted me to feed them with more. I got inundated  with jokes about how quickly I returned. People I barely knew were commenting to me about it.  Upon arrival, my boyfriend and I broke up, I had no job, barely any money, moved back home with my parents, and no clue what to do next. I felt defeated.

Like anything, life must go on. I couldn’t sit back and feel sorry for myself.  I realized that the courage alone to venture out was success in itself. I took a risk and although it blew up in my face, I did not let that fear stop me.  I brushed myself off and changed my attitude. I stopped letting the comments eat away at me. Just like that, a change in perspective and things were moving forward. People will hate on you no matter what you do in life. There will always be someone there telling you no, someone trying to knock you down. All the more reason to carry on with what works for you, what makes you happy. Where it can be helpful to get advice from others, at the end of the day you should go to bed at night knowing that the decisions you made held true to your morals, values, and what is best for you.

To this day I would not change my decision to go out to Colorado. I needed to know that it wasn’t the right step in life. In 30 years I won’t be wondering what if. I will have no regret. If I ever have a child, I will tell them to make mistakes and fail. It is those very failures that builds our character and leads us to better things. 

Fast forward one year later. I may not have all of the answers. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I am well on my way. I am where I am for a reason. I am working in a marketing department, my photography career is taking off, I am sharing my passion of gymnastics with young kids. The most important thing I can say is I am truly happy. No big life change, I am still figuring it all out, but I made up my mind to be happy and that’s how I shall live.

Chasing Stars

Have you ever been confused or overwhelmed because you want so many different things in life? Each day I feel more sure and unsure at the same time. My mind often races late at night with all of the things I want to do and how I will get there. I may not have all the answers I want right now but I know a few things.

• I want to change the world for the better, leave my mark. 
• I want to live by the sea. Wake up to the smell of ocean air. 
• I want to photograph people, places, things. 
• I want to see every corner of the world, taste the culture of another land, submerge myself in the unfamiliar. 
• I want to learn to play the ukulele and strum by a fire surrounded by friends. 
• I want to read as many books as I can and sip on exotic teas. 
• I want to drive across the country and learn about all walks of life. Hear their stories, their triumphs, their passion. 
• I want to learn to surf and ride across all of the oceans. 
• I want to have my own dark room and get lost in making prints. 
• I want to write poetry. Release my thoughts through paper and a pen.  
• I want to make art and create things with my two hands. 
• I want to skate on a longboard, hula hoop, and paddle-board with the warmth of the sun on my back. 
• I want to snowboard in my bathing suit, go to the biggest tomato fight in the world, crowd surf off a stage, swim with dolphins. 
• I want to dance to music, new and old. Feel the sounds come alive. 
• I want to master meditation, connect to my soul in silence. 
• I want to walk across mountains, watch the sunrise and set, swim in crystal clear water. 
• I want to own a dog, love it, take it for walks, snuggle it on a rainy day. 
• I want to fall in love. "The can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series, kind of stuff."  I want to find someone to see the world with. 
• I want to help children. I want to make them feel invincible and confident. Help them escape from any doubts or pain. 
• I want to make a difference in someone's life. 
• I want to let go of fear, let go of insecurities, let go of regret. 
• I want to spend my time with the doers, the go getters, the people who will lift me higher. 
• I want to spread peace and positivity. 
• I want to change the way we see things. Add light to the world. 
• I want to make every moment count.

We're all going to die. That is inevitable. But I don't think we all live.

• I want to leave this earth feeling fulfilled. 

Find Your Inner Child

I recently started a new job as a gymnastics coach. I am mostly with younger kids coaching classes as young as 18 months to 7 years old. I have always enjoyed the presence of a child, their energy, their creativity, their silliness. Spending so much time with kids has made me think about how much we have to learn from them. Here are a few reasons why I feel we should reconnect with our inner child.

• They are completely free. They don't care about what others think. If they were allowed they would wear zebra pants, with a tutu, and a cowgirl hat. They act how they want, say what they want, and aren't concerned with how others will view them.

• They dance as if no one is watching. When I see children at a show, I admire their courage to throw their body to the music which ever way they please. They don't care if they are the only ones dancing. They are up front having a great time connecting to the music, jumping, clapping, flailing their arms and legs, stomping, swinging, whatever they feel, they do. 

• They love and believe in themselves.  Watch the way a child carries themselves. They are confident individuals. In my class I constantly hear kids complimenting themselves. I hear them proclaim,"I can do it", "Look at me!" I have little girls in my class tell me how pretty they look. Kids don't focus on insecurities or weaknesses. They think highly about themselves and believe they can do anything. 

• They are creative.  Listen to a child tell a story. It can be quite amazing what they come up with. They are a little ball of exploding creativity. As we grow older our creativity is forced to be suppressed. When I was in college I took a visual merchandising class. In the class she had us color a picture. Then she had us color the picture again, this time how we wanted to, not the way we felt it was supposed look. A purple sky, an orange ocean, colors were all over the place. It was refreshing to have creativity encouraged rather than suppressed. I never shut down a child's imagination. In class we do a straddle stretch. To get them to stay in their stretch we pretend we are making something such as pizza. We go around the circle saying what we are putting on our pizza. The options for a child are limitless, yogurt, Oreos, pink chocolate chips, pudding, moon cheese. I embrace their out of the box answers and hope they hold on to it forever.

• They do not judge. They do not judge people by their race, or their size, religion, hair color, or anything else. They are accepting and live an unbiased life. 

• They aren't afraid to love. Children are naturally very loving individuals. They say  I love you when they want to, they give hugs, they love without fear, and love unconditionally.

• They are forgiving. Yes their reasons for getting upset with someone are minor compared to what we may face as adults. But they are forgiving individuals. They don't hold grudges and move past things much easier than we do as we grow up. (Forgiving also includes forgiving themselves. They don't dwell on a mistake they've made. They move on.)

• They live in the moment. They aren't worried about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. They are in the present moment only. 

• They are fearless. They aren't afraid to try new things. They explore and take risks. They don't think about the what if's or the consequences. They are bold and courageous.

• They laugh a lot and are truly happy. There's nothing more genuine than the happiness of child. They smile and embrace life. They find beauty and amazement in the simplest things. 

It Is Ok To Be Single

Between graduating college, jobs, love, trying to find ourself, relocating, your 20's are a roller coaster. As we creep into our mid-late 20's expectations arise to get married and settle down. Suddenly everyone is getting engaged. Magazines are filled with articles about attracting the right guy or girl. Family and friends ask us if we are dating anyone and if we aren't, they ask us why not? Pressure may start to sink in. Whether you are in a relationship or not, this article is here to bring a different light to the subject.

Now a days I witness people settling into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, people who are afraid to be alone.  I see people staying in a relationship because they are comfortable, feel they have too much time already invested, or feel they wont find love again.  I see people sacrificing themselves in attempt to keep someone around. I'm not advocating throwing in the towel when the road gets rough. But, there is a difference between a rough patch and an unhealthy relationship.

If you are dating someone and you are not happy, dissect your relationship and figure out is this a bump in the road or am I just settling? Am I unhappy more than I am happy? Do I deserve more?  You shouldn't have to sacrifice your values, friends, family, dignity, or your dreams. You should be trusted and respected. Maybe it is worth the fight but do not let love blind you of what you deserve. It is quite possibly the hardest decision to make in life, whether to keep fighting or to move on. It is painful and scary but sometimes it is what's best in the long run. When you are settling with the wrong person you are missing out on the right one. It may take more time to find them but isn't it worth the wait?

Never settle. Everyone deserves someone that will make their soul fly, someone that wants to be with you, all of you.  If you have to chase someone or trick someone into being with you, run the other way. There was a quote I once heard that stuck with me from Mary Schmich's famous essay Wear Sunscreen. "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." 

Never forget to be your own person. During my first “real” relationship I forgot about my independence and became afraid of being alone. When this relationship ended I didn't know what to do with myself. I had lost who I was. I felt as if my world had crumbled. Looking back, this was the best thing that could have happened to me. I realized that I needed to learn how to create my OWN happiness. I absorbed my time in self discovery. I explored, I met new people, I became more secure with who I am. I figured out that I was in control of my destiny and my happiness. I experienced things I never would have had I been in a relationship. 

The time that I have spent alone is the time I have thrived the most. I find this a very valuable part of life. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, solitude is essential in life to continue self-growth.

To my fellow single readers, don’t let finding love be your sole quest in life. Figure out who you are first. I have learned that we must first be able to create our own happiness before we can truly be happy with another. Do the things you love and the rest will fall in place. Remember, it is ok to be single. Sure, there’s going to be lonely times, but it’s better to be on your own than stuck with the wrong person. 

I feel the pressure to be in a relationship from family and the media. The expectations to settle down sometimes lingers over my head. If you feel the same pressure, ignore the social standards that says you need to be in a relationship right now. Embrace your independence.  Sometimes I feel like I am going against the wind but it's ok, marriage is not the next step for me in life. If love finds me during my adventures then great but for now I can be defined on my own.  I can stand on my own two feet and so can you.