Today's Lesson: Never Take Life For Granted

Yesterday was a difficult morning. It was the day of a memorial service for a friend and I wasn't going to be there. I kept thinking about his family laying him to rest and the amount of great people there in mourning. I may not know many of these people personally however, I am a feeler and when  someone with a good soul is in pain, I am in pain. Living far away from each other, my friend and I mostly communicated through Skype, Facebook message, and text. Despite having minimal face to face interaction, he left a significant impact in my life. He had an incredibly genuine spirit,  his musical talents soared, he had a thirst for adventure, his humor was sure to brighten anyone's day, and he had a strong love for life and all of those who surrounded him. The world lost a great one and it isn't fair.

While these thoughts flooded my mind yesterday morning, I decided to clean my desk. During my cleaning I came across an old journal. As I opened it up to see the first page, I could not fight back tears but I also felt comfort from Jake. I know I found this journal in this very moment for a reason. I would like to open up and share with you the first entry.

6/5/13 - Today's Lesson: Never Take Life For Granted

I found out today that a friend of mine at age 20 was diagnosed with aggressive Leukemia and suffered a massive stroke. Currently he can't talk and is in critical condition. He is a free spirit and talented musician. I am stunned and saddened to hear this news. It leaves me to think that tomorrow is never guaranteed. That is why in this present moment you must take advantage of every opportunity you have. Live life to the fullest and be appreciative for everything. 

I write this entry on Skinner Mountain while looking out at the CT river, a butterfly lingers around me, and two hawks are proudly soaring by.  It is a beautiful yet somber moment. 

During the darkest of times I must remember that I am alive, I am healthy, I am grateful.  I will not take this precious gift we call life for granted. 

I pray for you Jake with all of my heart. 

This entry was the reminder I needed to appreciate life. I know as I work through the sadness, this is how Jake lived and it is how he would want us to live. He may have only walked this earth for 22 years but he lived and loved fully.

It is unfortunate that it takes tragedies to put things in perspective. For those of you reading this, I hope it resonates with you and doesn't take a tragedy to help you realize the important things in life. People are important, relationships, family, little life moments, the every day stuff, a droplet on a flower, the smell of the ocean air, the warmth of a cup of tea. I know this all sounds cliche but it is the truth and as a whole we need to start living this way.

We live in a society that always wants more. Where it is a good to strive for more, don't let that stop you from appreciating what you have. We will never have enough if we solely focus on what is missing. Right now in this present moment you have enough and you are enough. Don't let the little blunders of the day make up your life. We look for external sources for happiness but it's inside of you hiding. We have the power to find that happiness and create the life we want to have. The decisions we make right now, is our story. If you don't like your story, it is not too late for a plot change but one day it will be. Don't wait for that moment of regret. Life is scary but we often create worries in our own mind. Don't let the fear of failure or rejection stop you from living and loving. Most importantly, do not take your tomorrow's for granted, for no matter who you are, it is not guaranteed.

Jake I wish I could witness you live out your biggest dreams. I aspire to inspire as many people as you have. Rest easy JG. Thanks for sending lessons down from heaven. BEYAAAAHHHH!

Lifting My Life One Rep at a Time

In January of 2014 I was introduced into the “lifting” world. Thanks to a friend’s mom I quickly became hooked and her expectations of me being there every day kept me going to the gym consistently for the first time ever. I never lifted weights before nor did I think I could because of several extensive wrist surgeries. She showed me ways to work around my problem and let me use her wrist guards which thankfully took away most of the pain. Soon enough I was emerged into a new lifestyle and due to getting a new job, I was starting to go diligently 5-6 times a week on my own.

I am writing about this because there’s a misconception with the gym rats of the world, especially those who lift weights. I know this because I too fell to this judgment. When you see someone with a strong physique, what do you see? You see their muscles. You might assume they are self-absorbed, conceited or only care about looks, perhaps even question their intelligence. You may think “it must be nice to have a body like that or it must be nice to have hours to go to the gym.” I have thought some of this in the past and it may hold true for some people but certainly not all.

Now I see determination. I see someone mentally strong.  I see sacrifice and perseverance.

My life has been transformed in the last year and a half. My anxiety levels were at an ultimate high before I started going to the gym. I was in a rough spot in life and I felt like I lost control. In the past I handled similar stresses in a toxic way. This time I decided to go down a different path. It was not driven by a goal weight or any appearance standards. It was a way for me to positively handle the dark times of life.The gym is a place I do not overthink or stress. I have to push myself both physically and mentally. I hadn’t pushed myself at this level since my gymnastics days. I have the power to channel negative thoughts into a hard workout. I adopted more discipline in my life. I'm not going out as much anymore and I am more conscious of healthy eating. Most importantly my anxiety decreased tremendously!

I admit, it is not easy to start this lifestyle and it comes with sacrifice. My wrist issues develop added obstacles to my gym life. I must endure some wrist pain and know when it is time to push harder and when it is time to hold back. It took me some time to love this lifestyle but I am incredibly grateful to have found it and to have discovered a positive outlet to handle anxiety.  I am mentally stronger and I know that the gym is one of the greatest factors for this growth. I am not suggesting that because I am a gym junkie I am better than others but merely sharing my journey to give a different lens on this world. 

Now being a part of the "fit life", I know that there is nothing more irritating than someone who tries to diminish the hard work you commit to. Next time you see someone who is "fit", regardless of their form of exercise, do not mock them, assume their life is easy, or make judgments. Most importantly remember they might be fighting their demons right now. Their gym time might be their way of escaping reality for a few hours a day.  They could be in a dark place or in pain and are handling it through their devotion to the gym. 

Maybe the world of fitness saved their life. It helped save mine.

Single Life Lessons

I wrote a very similar article about being single a few months ago. The more time goes on the more my opinion on the subject evolves. This article has a slightly different view point on it and highlights the lessons I have learned while I navigate through life as a party of one.

Being single is something that does not entirely leave one's mind.  Thanks to social media we are bombarded with photos of couples, engagement announcements, wedding photo albums, baby announcements. You may be feeling the demands to get married from family members or friends.  It is natural to feel concerned with the fact that you are not on the same step that it seems everyone is on.

Let me tell you, when it comes to this, I feel like I am at the bottom step that was set by society.  I also feel like my view is just as great. It took me a long time to say that. I have been single a lot in my life but I haven’t always had peace with it. I would rather be alone than be with someone to merely fill a void. I have found comfort in solitude. Of course I feel lonely sometimes and I frequently feel the pressure to find that special someone. Many experiences are heightened when you have someone to share it with. As I reflect on this growing time in my life, I have learned a few things that can be applied regardless of your relationship status.

1. "The grass is not greener on the other side; it is greenest where you water it." When we see that happy couple online, often times it is through a carnival mirror. Your view is distorted and the happiness is merely an illusion. Just because you see pictures of smiling faces does not mean they are happy.

2. Do not waste your youth! I am approaching my 26^th birthday. I am not partying like it’s 1999 anymore but that does not mean I am “old.” I hear people in their 20’s talking about how old they are. Why are we rushing this?  I am young and thriving. Do I want to waste my youth, energy, and time dwelling on the fact that I am “alone”? Absolutely not!  The time to live is now. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow so I am going to make the most of today.

3. Do what you love even if it means doing it alone.  You may not have someone that shares certain interests as you but don't let it deter you. You will meet new people and fill your life with valuable experiences. I love live music however I don’t have many friends with the same enthusiasm I have for it. This means sometimes I have to go to a show alone. I would be foolish to miss a band merely because I don’t have anyone to go with. I also love to travel however; I don’t have many travel companions. I travel in non-conventional ways leaving me to sleep on floors, volunteer in exchange for stay, hostels, etc. I enjoy the feeling of being out of my comfort zone. This isn’t for everyone. Would I like to find that adventurous counterpart who also has a wanderlust soul to enjoy the journey? Yes! Am I going to let it stop me because I have not found that person yet? No! My spirit stays alive through travel and traveling alone has helped shape who I am today. It has given me confidence and through travel I find myself more and more. 

4. Do not settle! I have been told I am too picky. I do agree I have a confident idea of the person I will end up with. However, it is the rest of my life and my happiness, I should be picky! I see too many wonderful people settling because they are comfortable or don’t want to be alone. If you are unhappy now how do you expect to be happy in 50 years?

5. Be you! I lost myself in relationships or while dating trying to fit the mold of what I thought they wanted me to be. When the relationship ended I had no idea who I was.  I relied on them for my identity. Create yourself and own it.  Of course change can be good and you may change through another person or find new interests, but make sure your core remains intact.

6. You might scare people off and that is ok. I have been told that I am “intimidating.” That connotation can be seen as a negative characteristic. I have also been told to tone that down a little because my ambitions and accomplishments can diminish a guy’s confidence. If I listened to this advice, I would be living a lie. The right person will be inspired by ambition rather than scared away.  I want someone to push me as much as I push them. The ones who don't know how to manage that, aren't worth your time anyways. 

7. Perception is everything! This holds true with anything in life. You can look at being single as a bad thing. You can harp on how lonely you are, that something is wrong with you, that you'll never find true love, or you can look at it is a good thing! You can realize that you have the ability to make yourself happy. There is no void. You fill it on your own and the day you cross paths with your soulmate, you will be ready to share your entire self with them.

8. Stop comparing your place in life with the person next to you. This is not a race but a journey; make sure to make yours grand!