Between graduating college, jobs, love, trying to find ourself, relocating, your 20's are a roller coaster. As we creep into our mid-late 20's expectations arise to get married and settle down. Suddenly everyone is getting engaged. Magazines are filled with articles about attracting the right guy or girl. Family and friends ask us if we are dating anyone and if we aren't, they ask us why not? Pressure may start to sink in. Whether you are in a relationship or not, this article is here to bring a different light to the subject.
Now a days I witness people settling into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, people who are afraid to be alone. I see people staying in a relationship because they are comfortable, feel they have too much time already invested, or feel they wont find love again. I see people sacrificing themselves in attempt to keep someone around. I'm not advocating throwing in the towel when the road gets rough. But, there is a difference between a rough patch and an unhealthy relationship.
If you are dating someone and you are not happy, dissect your relationship and figure out is this a bump in the road or am I just settling? Am I unhappy more than I am happy? Do I deserve more? You shouldn't have to sacrifice your values, friends, family, dignity, or your dreams. You should be trusted and respected. Maybe it is worth the fight but do not let love blind you of what you deserve. It is quite possibly the hardest decision to make in life, whether to keep fighting or to move on. It is painful and scary but sometimes it is what's best in the long run. When you are settling with the wrong person you are missing out on the right one. It may take more time to find them but isn't it worth the wait?
Never settle. Everyone deserves someone that will make their soul fly, someone that wants to be with you, all of you. If you have to chase someone or trick someone into being with you, run the other way. There was a quote I once heard that stuck with me from Mary Schmich's famous essay Wear Sunscreen. "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."
Never forget to be your own person. During my first “real” relationship I forgot about my independence and became afraid of being alone. When this relationship ended I didn't know what to do with myself. I had lost who I was. I felt as if my world had crumbled. Looking back, this was the best thing that could have happened to me. I realized that I needed to learn how to create my OWN happiness. I absorbed my time in self discovery. I explored, I met new people, I became more secure with who I am. I figured out that I was in control of my destiny and my happiness. I experienced things I never would have had I been in a relationship.
The time that I have spent alone is the time I have thrived the most. I find this a very valuable part of life. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, solitude is essential in life to continue self-growth.
To my fellow single readers, don’t let finding love be your sole quest in life. Figure out who you are first. I have learned that we must first be able to create our own happiness before we can truly be happy with another. Do the things you love and the rest will fall in place. Remember, it is ok to be single. Sure, there’s going to be lonely times, but it’s better to be on your own than stuck with the wrong person.
I feel the pressure to be in a relationship from family and the media. The expectations to settle down sometimes lingers over my head. If you feel the same pressure, ignore the social standards that says you need to be in a relationship right now. Embrace your independence. Sometimes I feel like I am going against the wind but it's ok, marriage is not the next step for me in life. If love finds me during my adventures then great but for now I can be defined on my own. I can stand on my own two feet and so can you.
